Have Faith in Yourself

I can't! How many times have you said just that, or heard other transsexuals use that short sentence? Thousands of times I'm sure. Yet is it really true?

So often transsexuals, especially if they are older, have spent their lives trying to live within the gender frame that society dictates. They've created an image that they place on the outer skin of an umbrella, a shield, and hide their true selves under that umbrella. When a transsexual says I can't!, what they really mean is I'm afraid that doing that will make me conspicuous. By being conspicuous, a transsexual fears that everyone will know their true self.

A large part of transition -- that long period that begins with acknowledging to one's self that they are gender dysphoric through the remainder of one's life -- is learning to adjust and open up to become a part of society. A transsexual spends so much of their effort creating and living under the shield image they present to society, that the adjustments they need to make to their lives to become a part of society as their true selves is very difficult.

That difficult adjustment becomes the I can't! Instead of adjusting, many (if not most) transsexuals continue to hide themselves and remain withdrawn. Recently, I read a note from an Internet newsgroup by a transsexual who commented about a woman friend who tried to coax her into joining a group of the woman's friends who were dancing at a club. Fearful of being conspicuous, the transsexual would not go on the dance floor, despite her desire to do so.

Joining that group of women on the dance floor is difficult. Believing that you are conspicuous makes adjusting difficult. Yet, it can be done. A year and a half ago, the local community's adult education program sent me a Resident flyer with their course offering. Included was a Ballroom Dance class. I submitted my enrollment form and check. The night of the first, second, and each subsequent class I was petrified. Yet, I still went. I felt conspicuous, yet I still went. Although my hidden self was crying out I can't!, I did. Even though I had only been living full-time a year!

That I can't! can become I will! However, you must have faith in yourself and persevere!

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